When women come to talk to me about dating, the issue of whom to date is a common concern. I often hear the lament that there are not many godly men around. I beg to differ on that remark. So often, we are not finding godly men because we are not behaving as godly women. Afterall, God will protect His own and will speak to the heart of a godly man about you. If you have been preparing and have been seeking God sincerely, then the good news is that you are a safe person who will do no harm to a godly man. If it is the Lord's will for you to marry, then in time, God will allow your paths to cross. However, if you are slack, lazy, and dishonest in following God, then you will find that your life will not attract, but repel the very man you wish to marry!
When we begin to really live for Him, God has a way of bringing His children together. Once we really place God first in our lives, then we need wisdom in how to conduct ourselves. Here are some guidelines that will bring clarity to your dating and courtship life.
First, never be afraid to take a stand on your beliefs. Compromising your foundational beliefs is not attractive to a godly man nor a godly woman. Imagine if a man expresses interest in you, but could not delineate his views on moral issues or did not take definite stands. What would you find attractive in that man? You would be left with a complete confusion as to his character. Therefore, honest and clear standards regarding your beliefs ensures that you attract someone with the same core values. Simliar core values are necessary to a Christian marriage.
Second, when a man loves a woman, he will do just about anything to be with her. The worst thing to do as a female is to initiate relationships. It is a known fact that men hardly ever share with women, but if they don't pursue you, there is a good reason and you must respect his leadership. If he does not pursue you, don't pursue him, whatever the circumstances. If a man has not made a declaration of love or asked for your hand in marriage, then you should keep the door open for God to potentially bring another man into your life. You can spend too long pining away in a relationship that is going nowhere. Don't you know that a godly woman is worth far more than rubies? Not every man will desire you and that is quite alright. It does not diminish your worthiness at all. In fact, it is better to find the man who finds you enchanting and leave the other ones out.
Third, maintain the highest level of propriety in your physical contact and do not compromise in this area. If you allow yourself to compromise, you will regret it. Not to mention, we could be robbing our future mate by playing around with temptation. No man deserves a kiss if he has not proposed to you! Your future husband will love that you respected and honored him prior to your marriage and took even a kiss seriously. Remember, you are going to one day marry your husband and whatever we do now will have consequences. So, beginning today, forget your past and remember to maintain your purity for the future.
Fourth, it is important to keep in mind that we can inspire a man to aspire to greatness. Thus, keep your standards high about what you would expect from him as a future mate. If a man is afraid of the challenge, would you lower your standard for his comfort and ease? He would not find you rare, but rather common and ordinary. The most amazing men in our world are successfully driven by ladies who support, encourage, and believe in their men a capacity to be used greatly for our Lord. In fact, when you believe in him, a man will feel not only driven, but actually compelled to succeed. A man will bask in the knowledge that his wife thinks he is capable of great things in the Lord and that we trust our very lives to him.
Fifth, casual dating is not appropriate for the Christian. In other words, every date is a potential mate, so make certain that the people you spend time with are individuals who have the integrity and character of someone you might would marry. Before you even accept a date, make certain this person is already a strong believer who follows Christ in all areas. Granted, he or she will not be perfect, but make certain the major sins areas have been brought up under the Lordship of Christ for some time. Don't be afraid to pursue some hard questions before bringing your heart into a romantic relationship. Too many Christians are afraid to ask questions because they are afraid of offending someone.
Last, develop a passion for Jesus Christ and make Him your number one man. God promises his daughters that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. Have you considered that God wants you to make Him your delight? Delight in Him first. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. All the things you are looking for in life will be added unto you when you have the right focus.
Ardently my Lord's, |
